... A Path that's been Broken ...

... A Path that's been Broken ...

I’ve been on a lot of bumpy roads, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are broken.

So why is it we’d rather back up and take the same broken road again rather than seek a new path?

I will be the first to admit that it's a scary place when we hit these bumps in the road. It gives you the feeling of complete brokenness, to the point that you feel there's nowhere to turn, nowhere to go, and no one in sight.

These bumps that we all encounter throughout our journeys can stem from a variety of angles. Bumps that can be encountered from our relationships, our children, other family members, our jobs, and our friends.



Have you ever woke up on mornings and just felt as if your whole world has come crashing down on you? The feelings that you feel from the inside out, ripped away like a tornado that you didn't consciously see coming. But unconsciously knowing the calm before the storm through your intuitions, yet you continuously keep walking straight towards the storm. These paths, these bumps, these triumphs, and these empty memories are in the back of my mind but so vividly remembered.

So why do we continue towards these de ja vue events throughout our lives knowingly knowing the repercussions and consequences.

So here is my story from who I once was, whom I had become, what happened, and where I want go.
~ Past - Present - Future ~
I survived a childhood growing up in a drug addict environment.
A family so clouded in there addictions, who didn't care or think twice to be their for me when I needed them the most.
I fought a fight in all angles that I couldn't win.
I struggled throughout my entire school experience, it was hard to socially fit in cause I was constantly in and out of ten different schools  ... Because, my mom was like a gypsy, we never lived in a stable home for more than a year.  By ninth grade I was a drop out failure.

I begin a path myself down that road following my parents paths, and struggled a long, deep, dark and lonely addiction.

 

Where do I begin the steps to take?

How do I free myself from the mistakes I make?

This road I’m on never ends, it’s filled with ups and downs turns and bends.

I’m losing faith in what’s right, by replacing it with a survival fight,

Fuck this battle, don’t you see my struggle?

The daily shutdown I feel,

 My addictions I use to run away, to numb the pain I hate to feel, the constant blame I hear,

 That in return break me down that I almost can’t bear,

I fight for a different way to live, a change of some sort, a life that I once had

But it’s become so clouded by the constant road blocks and dead ends

That make it damn near impossible to keep trudging

I wake up every day a new beginning a fresh start a future that’s just waiting…

But here I sit stuck in sorrows and shame

Painful memories replayed over and over again

Distorted ways of thinking, a haunting past that’s not forgiving, a family life that is paralyzing

With a lifestyle that is trapping.

Who do I turn to, what do I say, where do I go, how do I get away…?

 An exhausting list of questions that repeat in my mind, A voice in your head that tells you to just give up, Time has shown the road you’re on to self-destruct beyond control.

I lay here all in my head as the tears flow down my cheek,

Wondering what life would be like if I could just walk away, free from all the pain,

Living a life I have always dreamed, providing my girls with a love so deep,

Becoming the mother I was destined to be, that one day looked back upon knowing that was

The real me, the girl that once suffered I have now set free.

The truth behind these words are the struggles and fears that keep you sick and stuck,

Breaking free of it builds your wall of strength that had kept you fighting all along,

Don’t give up! Don’t lose Faith! This battle will end and you will see the light just don’t forget

That you’re doing this all with the gift to keep your eye on the prize.



“Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”
― Maya Angelou, Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now