... A Path that's been Broken ...

... A Path that's been Broken ...

I’ve been on a lot of bumpy roads, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are broken.

So why is it we’d rather back up and take the same broken road again rather than seek a new path?

I will be the first to admit that it's a scary place when we hit these bumps in the road. It gives you the feeling of complete brokenness, to the point that you feel there's nowhere to turn, nowhere to go, and no one in sight.

These bumps that we all encounter throughout our journeys can stem from a variety of angles. Bumps that can be encountered from our relationships, our children, other family members, our jobs, and our friends.



Have you ever woke up on mornings and just felt as if your whole world has come crashing down on you? The feelings that you feel from the inside out, ripped away like a tornado that you didn't consciously see coming. But unconsciously knowing the calm before the storm through your intuitions, yet you continuously keep walking straight towards the storm. These paths, these bumps, these triumphs, and these empty memories are in the back of my mind but so vividly remembered.

So why do we continue towards these de ja vue events throughout our lives knowingly knowing the repercussions and consequences.

So here is my story from who I once was, whom I had become, what happened, and where I want go.
~ Past - Present - Future ~
I survived a childhood growing up in a drug addict environment.
A family so clouded in there addictions, who didn't care or think twice to be their for me when I needed them the most.
I fought a fight in all angles that I couldn't win.
I struggled throughout my entire school experience, it was hard to socially fit in cause I was constantly in and out of ten different schools  ... Because, my mom was like a gypsy, we never lived in a stable home for more than a year.  By ninth grade I was a drop out failure.

I begin a path myself down that road following my parents paths, and struggled a long, deep, dark and lonely addiction.

 

Where do I begin the steps to take?

How do I free myself from the mistakes I make?

This road I’m on never ends, it’s filled with ups and downs turns and bends.

I’m losing faith in what’s right, by replacing it with a survival fight,

Fuck this battle, don’t you see my struggle?

The daily shutdown I feel,

 My addictions I use to run away, to numb the pain I hate to feel, the constant blame I hear,

 That in return break me down that I almost can’t bear,

I fight for a different way to live, a change of some sort, a life that I once had

But it’s become so clouded by the constant road blocks and dead ends

That make it damn near impossible to keep trudging

I wake up every day a new beginning a fresh start a future that’s just waiting…

But here I sit stuck in sorrows and shame

Painful memories replayed over and over again

Distorted ways of thinking, a haunting past that’s not forgiving, a family life that is paralyzing

With a lifestyle that is trapping.

Who do I turn to, what do I say, where do I go, how do I get away…?

 An exhausting list of questions that repeat in my mind, A voice in your head that tells you to just give up, Time has shown the road you’re on to self-destruct beyond control.

I lay here all in my head as the tears flow down my cheek,

Wondering what life would be like if I could just walk away, free from all the pain,

Living a life I have always dreamed, providing my girls with a love so deep,

Becoming the mother I was destined to be, that one day looked back upon knowing that was

The real me, the girl that once suffered I have now set free.

The truth behind these words are the struggles and fears that keep you sick and stuck,

Breaking free of it builds your wall of strength that had kept you fighting all along,

Don’t give up! Don’t lose Faith! This battle will end and you will see the light just don’t forget

That you’re doing this all with the gift to keep your eye on the prize.



“Every person needs to take one day away.  A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.  Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”
― Maya Angelou, Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now



Jen's Playlist (playlist)

Change Is Happening Around Us Everyday

“None of us can fight or ignore change. Even if it feels like your life is crawling along, forever the same, with very little stuff on the outside to show for any flashy kind of metamorphosis, you are always quite beautifully, and often alarmingly, in flux. Trust in this.”—Maggie Lyon 

Change is a part of Our lives

 

When we’re young, everything is new. New things and experiences are a part of our lives everyday. The curiosity and excitement of one's innocent little mind flourish into the unknown. These young minds begin their journey into a world filled with so many opportunities. Born into this world the moment they first looked into the eyes of their mother with a twinkle that memorized your love for them filled with so much unconditional love. The miracles of that innocent child and the power of change you see before your very eyes everyday.

The other day I was talking to my 4 year old daughter when she made a wish. She wished that she could have learned stuff when she was a baby. I answered back, to her "Honey when you were a little bitty baby your were learning every day and always watching everything around you. When you were a baby you learned how to smile, you than learned how to talk "baby gibberish" as I answered back "Tell mommy some more?" "Really?" "Tell me all about it."

You also learned the strength to hold your little bobble head up. I remember when I got your very first roll over on video recording. You learned how to crawl to reach something that you wanted even though it was all the way across the room. You were determined. I loved when you first started learning how to walk and your cute little dances you would do while holding on to something. My love, everyday is a learning process and each day our lives are changing."

 Today, these gifts you learn and memories you cherish and moments you captured the essence of.

Change - The Power - The Lessons -Your Experiences

Are all the meaning to a life long journey full of changes.

I love You Destiny.

 

 

As we get older,

We are Learning to Discover Ourselves, Our Values, Our Futures, Our Dreams

We make Choices that guide us down a path in our lives. That path is Our Journey which opens doors to opportunities.
Or our choices detour us in a direction that leads to rough times, lessons learned, risky situations, and a road that has no meaning.
But, we all have been through our Own tough times. We also come across obstacles that we have to overcome. We all have some sort of stress or fear in our lives. But when we come across those times what makes us stronger is How we deal with those situations when they arise.
Change.
Changing
Changes

The Power in You Changes your Journey
Your Path
Your Destiny

Today, I chose the path that has a purpose for me. I chose the stability to be the mother both my daughters deserve. I chose success, meaning, goals I'm accomplishing. I chose to become "Somebody" that I never imagined becoming. Today, I do things in my life that I am proud of. I have Support. I have guidance. I am loved. Today, I am moving forward by "Paying it Forward"



My Goal is to help Change one's life with a simple but powerful story.
I will and I am
"Paying it Forward"
Becoming that support for someone struggling to help them kick the habits
CHANGE
there lives. 

Change is scary, I know! Trust me I been there. But, stepping out and away from that comfort zone to face those fears speaks volumes. Right there that Change will inspire you and your future. Think like it this way try becoming as curious and comfortable with change as you were when you were a child because that right there is a major life skill. Stepping out of the box to have a look at your current status. Begin change by making small changes. Talk yourself into it and remember even when we were a child we all needed encouragement. When we become more comfortable with small changes, you'll  find that you become more aware of your feelings towards people and circumstances in our lives.



 





So remember this....



Because, in Reality life is always greener on the other side.
Love Always,
Real Talk


To be or not to be



Well here is the thing... I wonder if someday I'll find the man of my dreams? He is out there somewhere... Isn't he? How would I know? Where should I go? Who, What, Where, When, and Why is the question WE all want answers for.
I'm that kind of girl that always falls for the "Bad Boys" and everytime I learn the same damn hard way over and over again... Because why? They are basically all the same when it boils down to it in one form or another.

I wish I had this magic wand that would put together the "Perfect man for me" with the physical attraction, the materialistic attraction and their values, traits and characteristics that I always wanted in a man.

ALL IN ONE

"Perfect Man For Me"





• What attracts me the most is a man that interacts with my kids and is a positive role model for them.
• Someone with a Genuine personality. 
• I want someone who expresses compassion.
• I want someone who has positive self-esteem, one who knows where he wants to go in life.
• I want a guy who is fun and knows how to use humor.
• I want a someone who understands "Equal" partnership in the relationship.
• I want a man that has a successful background and a stable career.
• I want a man who is independent, stable, and responsible.
• I want a man that loves me for me and doesn't judge me for my past.
• I need a man that will show me unconditional love and lift my spirits with everlasting love.
• I like it when a man will stand in the kitchen with me and cook dinner together while goofing around with laughter.
• I want a man that respects me and my kids and is willing to take that risk to be a family with open arms to my kids as a father figure.
• I need a man I can trust, who is honest, someone who equally listens and tells me everything as I would do the same.
• I need a man that has constructive communication.
• I need a man who likes to have fun with me and also enjoys going out with a whole bunch of our friends together to ALL do something wild and crazy while at the same time making memories that last a life time.
• I need equal partnership in all areas of a relationship.
• I want that fairy tale ending!

BUT...

Here's what I always fall for every time

• I love a man that loves joy rides on his motorcycle with me on the back.
• I like a man that has a biker personality and adventurist lifestyle.
• What attracts me is the looks in a mans eye that just melts you inside.
• I like men with a body of tattoos that has meaning behind each one.
• Or i fall for the ones that are already taken

Now here's the thing when I look for a guy like that I always get the same outcome like a revolving cycle of my past repeating itself! But, this time its just a different guy. There is either insecurities, abuse, addiction, lies, cheating, and constantly arguing!

What the heck is wrong here with this picture..!?!

Why can't I just find a man that is the BEST of both worlds? Everything I WANT to have in a man PLUS the physical and materialistic portion of it.

But, those combinations you just can't find! Because, a successful man would be considered for example a Doctor and a Doctor just doesn't walk around with a body full of tattoos... Because why? In our world and society that's typically labeled "Unprofessional"

It's like if your walking down the street and you see a homeless man and he asks you for help... Typically people would just ignore and keep walking. But, if you saw a man in a business suit asking for help with something usually 99% of the time someone will stop and help.

Really people! Really! What's wrong with people...

" Judging a Book by it's Cover"

Well anyways that's my thing my problem too... Because, I tend to judge a book by it's cover as well because I seem to fall attracted to "bad boys" and if and when I see a man successful I don't even look twice!

Hello, now what the hell is wrong with me!

I think I may know why...











 I mean don't get me wrong... I do love myself! But, not in the way that allows me to step out of my comfort zone and see the

 "Real Me"

It has been said that before you can love someone else you must love yourself first. Not an all consuming, narcissistic kind of love but one that allows you to forgive yourself for the past hurts caused by yourself and for allowing others to hurt you as well through your responses to these situations.

This will open up your heart and clear it of the past. For those of us still harboring feelings of hurt, anger, grief and fear from past relationships both romantic and otherwise, a change in our thinking pattern is needed so we can move towards healthier relationships.

LOVE THE PERSON IN THE MIRROR LOOKING BACK AT YOU…

Understand you are only human and are going to make mistakes from time to time…It’s okay

We are Spiritual beings having a human experience. We are in the school of Life…

We learn by both good and bad experiences…



 When I figure this out and take that step... Every other piece will fall in to place! I need to stop looking for a man and start looking withing myself to find the answers and solve them.

 One day when I least expect it



 I WILL find that "Perfect Man For Me"

Living Happily ever after

Where should I start ... My first Blog Ever

These are the days of my life

... Take a look at this picture ...

What do you see in it?

Whats the feeling you get while you imagine the meaning behind this picture?

Well what I see is 

The hands of someone reaching out

Above to something higher

Yet, at the same time there is something holding her back 

By the

Chains wrapped around her wrists

It makes me think of

SELF / LIFE

There maybe struggles

Obstacles

Stress

Loneliness / Isolation

Time, Kids, School, Job

Relationships / Friends / Family

A Haunting Past of Mistakes and Regrets

It could be anything

But,

What I also see is a

 Beautiful Butterfly just waiting to be set free...

She's ready to fly

or

Maybe she already is free

 Maybe she let go of her past and set herself free

Maybe its the beauty of life
A Butterfly represents Transformation, Freedom, Change, Inner Strength
Personal Growth, Purity, and Beauty

However, the meaning through my lens helped me reflect 

On My Life

Somedays in life you feel On Top of the World like you can conquer anything ...

 Than there are days that just overcome everything ...

 Life isn't easy, there is Always going to be an Up and a Down in every given situation ...

 But, it's how you deal with it at Every given moment ...

Today, I look myself in the mirror

☆°`·¸¸¸"Right Here Right Now".¸¸.´·°☆

 I remind myself that it will not be easy being a mom raising two kids on my own ...

(4 year old and 6 week old)
It's not going to be easy being a Full time student in College taking on four classes ...

( Group Counseling, Ethics, Human Biology, and a Human Biology Lab )

It's not going to be easy to have time or even take time to study ...
It's not easy to take time for

"ME"

 Why?

 Because, thats life!

 In the end it will all be worth it!

 Guaranteed

You Will Break Out and Set Yourself Free

Just Wait and See

♥ (Random Thought) ♥

^ Here in the photo above goes to show ^
That change can happen - It does happen - It will happen - It already started
She did let go of what was holding her back and realized the beauty of a whole new world
That NEVER in a million years did she think she would ever become
Believe in yourself and you too can reach your highest mountain
Take risks - Stand up to your Fears - Walk out of your Comfort Zone - Take Charge
Because, nomatter what there is always a way out

There is always someone or somebody willing to reach out and help

You just have to be Willing!

Follow your Dreams

Follow Your Heart

Let your Journey Bloom

Become the Person You were meant to be

Take that step

Make those choices

Accomplish Your Goals

Than look outside Yourself and begin to experience

The Change. 

There's this Quote that I absolutely positively no doubt about it 

Love

Because Why? Because...

This quote speaks Volumes

It expresses Truth

It is Reality

It's Facts

 The first step is finding who we truly are inside

The rest don't matter

Because the past is history

The future that's a mystery

But, You ... Me ... We ... Us ... All

Create from within ourselves the beauty
that creates our

"Journey through Life"